we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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