I think I won the penis lottery.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
