you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
