I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
