i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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