don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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