So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
