I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
