my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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