I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
