She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
