You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
