well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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