so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
