He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
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Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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