my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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