Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I puked a lego.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
