i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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