Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
