I can tuck mytits in my pants
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
