How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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