I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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