i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
