I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
