don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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