Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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