You made me cry and you don't even care
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
