He told me they were just razor bumps!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
