I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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