i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
