Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The struggles of a small town man whore
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
