And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
