I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
