Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
