so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
