Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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