you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
