you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
