she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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