"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
