I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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