Your tits are I can't wait for
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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