Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
