Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
