My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
