Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
