sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize