I hate your face
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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