You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just google imaged poop.
now i know why i became what i already was.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
