i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Houston, we have a blender
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
