I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just sucked dick on a ferry
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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