My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
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You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
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If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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