one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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