Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
