he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
