I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
