I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
