My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She even gives head with a lisp.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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