i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
