We won't sleep together?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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