Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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