Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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